AND so begins the RULES of RAMPAGE!
Number 1
• Santa acts like Santa. Be jolly. Belly laugh. Let people sit on your lap. Give out gifts.
Do NOT be that drunk-jerk-ass-mo-fo-sh*t-head-in-the-red-suit kind of Santa. You got a while to get in a good mood.
Get your cheer on NOW!
Number 2
• Santa loves reindeer games, candy canes, stripper poles….
In order to make it completely through Rampage, wear *comfortable* shoes so you can walk and enter/exit the rail line safely.
We will be using public transportation. Buy your DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transit) Pass…buy it early, even. It will work for a 24-hour time period.
ho.
Number 3
• Santa doesn’t seek media attention. “Ho-ho-ho” is good. “Publicity ho” is lame.
Just like good sex, Santa likes the foreplay; cameras can snap the climax.
You will get teasers of the Rampage insights here, on this page, in this venue. You can share Santa with your friends. But no press release is sent to the media about where Santa will be on the 15th. Otherwise, *everybody* would want a lap dance.
ho.
Number 4
Santa says “Remember The FOUR F*CKS”
1. Don’t f*ck with kids.
2. Don’t f*ck with cops.
3. Don’t f*ck with security.
4. Don’t f*ck with Santa.
* If any catch comes on the low down, your piece is yours and other Santas will dis your ass and claim the “doe-no’s” to the law. (In other words, you f*ck up…you are on your own. And we have no idea who the clown in the Santa costume is….)
Number 5
Each Santa is responsible for one Santa – SantaSelf. You are responsible for your own behavior, your own words, your own night of Rampage.
* If any catch comes on the low down, your piece is yours and other Santas will dis your ass and claim the “doe-no’s” to the law. (In other words, you fuck up…you are on your own. And we have no idea who the clown in the Santa costume is….)
~
Because nobody likes “that” Santa….
ho.
Number 6
Santa stays hydrated & paces himself. Santa is responsible for his own inebriation.
So be well-prepped for Rampage. Bring antacid, aspirin, an extra pair of socks. Hell, who wants to see whiney-ass Santa? Santa is fun and jolly. Leave the drama on the 14th of December….
ho.
Number 7
During the evening, Santa’s BFFs (or at least high on the VIP list) include:
- Police Officers
- Security Guards
- DART Safety Officers
- Bouncers & Door Keepers
- SantaStop Owners & Managers-on-Duty
- Taxi Drivers
- Parking Attendants & Valets
- All local, state & federal Laws
- Mom
You have had more than a month to plan for this shin-dig, so don’t just wear some Wal-crap hat and expect your jingle bells to get you all the red-dressed-hot-chicks!
TONS of places have Santa stuff. Get creative! Dress as Vixen, SmurfSanta, a Chanukah Chicken, JesusSanta, an Elf, SteamPunkSanta, One-legged-Hooker-Santa; hell, come as a damn snowflake…sure-as-shit know Texans won’t get any of the white stuff THIS season!
Bottom line: it’s just more fun in costume – so, deck your balls!
ho.
Number 9
Santa pays his own damn bar tab and tips bartenders well for putting up with Santa!
** BRING CASH! **
(Small bills preferred.)
And your ID.
When Santa moves the Santa-crowd with “ho-ho-ho” (indicating time to head to the next stop), you do NOT want to be the lone Red-Suit flagging down a server or tender.
No kidding. Seriously. We’ll leave your ass. 😉
Number 10
Santa doesn’t like to be “that” Santa.
Your friends want to have fun, not scrape the puke outta your beard or prevent your wasted ass from wandering into traffic.
Be Responsible. Or at least take a taxi home and Be Considerate of your fellow Santas.
ho.
dallassantarampage 